So you’re moving through your day, connecting with other people with a greeting like “How have you been?” or “How are things going?”
What would you say is the most common answers you’re getting? Do you, like me, often get a response along the lines of: “It's been kind of crazy" or "I’m REALLY busy right now”? How often do you find yourself feeling that way? Well, I get it. We live in a very fast paced society – perhaps your profession or location even more so that others’ – and we are all really just trying to keep up and do the “right” thing. We want to live up to expectations, deliver results, and make sure we are “in the game”. Yet, this common answer of being “really busy right now” got me thinking… What does this answer really say about the way we live our lives? We all know that colleague (or friend, or family member, or ourselves!) that consistently and always is “SO busy right now”… There is just never enough time in the day or enough days in the week for all the demands put upon them. They are needed here, there, and EVERYWHERE… If there was just a way to clone them, things would perhaps finally become manageable... When I hear that answer, my questions become; With WHAT are you busy? And WHY? In my experience, working with clients or just through my own inquiry when I fall into the “busyness” trap, asking those questions help provide insight. Considering how these things that I’m so busy with matter to me, or, at least matter… somehow, to someone will start to shed a light onto the true importance of what I am doing. Am I just plugging away and staying busy without much awareness or discrimination around what I commit to? Any time I feel like I am “stretched too thin” or realize that I am mindlessly squeeze more things into my already packed schedule, I take it as a HUGE warning flag. It is time to look closer at what CHOICES I am making. It’s time to empower myself in making better choices and setting more clear and realistic expectations, both with myself and with others. A more significant answer When I think of someone who is truly committed to doing something that they really care about, the answer to the question “How have you been?” is likely to be quite different. I believe that someone who is busy with something that truly feels significant for them, who is busy with something for which they are aware of WHY they have committed to it, will answer this question differently. They will talk about WHAT they are busy with and WHY. Assuming you are not to busy ;) … but actually stick around to hear them answer your question, they will eagerly share the cool or fascinating or otherwise important thing they are busy with. “I’m working on this really cool program that will help people with X” “I’ve been trying to find a solution to the really fascinating problem of …” “I’ve been supporting my dear friend during a difficult transition and I’m so happy I could help” “I’m pouring my heart and soul into my new role as …” Well, that’s what I’ve been busy thinking about lately… and I spend time on these kind of inquires because it inspires me to contemplate why we do the things we do. Perhaps it inspires you. Perhaps it will remind you next time you think of yourself as “so busy”, to pause and consider WHAT am I actually busy with and WHY? Inspired by one of my favorite TED talks: How great leaders inspire action by Simon Sinek.
Once New Years resolutions have faded, what will inspire YOU to take action throughout the year in how you lead your life? Although Sinek's examples and arguments mostly relate to business and inter-relational leadership (company/client, leader/employee etc.), I'd like to explore how we can apply the same principles of "starting with WHY" in leading our own lives. Let's explore a goal that many of us have had in some variation at the beginning of a year: get in shape. Whether that means loosing weight, exercising or eating healthier. Perhaps it entails changing some habits around alcohol, sugar or stress. So, how do we tend to go about setting our goals for the year?... WHAT you do New years resolutions tend to focus on the WHAT. For our "Get in shape" example, you might end up with goals like: Cut down on carbs, exercise more, or loose 10lb before the summer. Perhaps this inspires you to hit the gym for a few weeks in January (have you noticed how full the gyms and yoga studios are in January!). Yet, how many times have you had good intentions at the beginning of the year, only to have them fade - or completely fall off your radar - already by February!!? HOW you do it Slightly better, and more likely to stick would be if you also create a plan for HOW you will do it. To "Get in shape", you might buy a membership at a club and commit to exercising each Tuesday and Thursday right after work. You might even get a exercise buddy - someone you can count on to keep you accountable. You might even consider - in advance - what is likely to get in the way of you acting on your plan, and come up with ways to handle those challenges. Your chances of success are getting better and better :). With a clear HOW - you are much more likely to follow through and succeed toward your goals. Now that's seems like a pretty solid plan of action, right? Yes, it is much more solid than just a brief new years resolution statement in "WHAT" form. I would even estimate that you have a "fair" chance of succeeding. However... As Sinek mentions in his talk, the part of our brain that is responsible for making decisions (the limbic brain) is motivated by emotion, not so much by words and reasoning... So, in order to create an intention that can inspire you to push through when "the going gets tough" - or when you get to busy.... or when you just don't feel like it... or when you feel frustrated at the lack of progress... - you need to get clear on your "WHY". WHY you do it To get clarity of my WHY, in the example of the "getting in shape" goal, I might ask myself; Why would I bother getting shape? Why would I spend time and energy at the gym? Why would I choose oatmeal over a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast? Why is it important to me to weigh 10lb less by the time summer rolls around? Personally, my answers to those questions would lead me to realize the importance for me to feel strong and fit, so that I can live my daily life with engagement and energy. I want to stay healthy for many many years to enjoy my life, with friends and family. I see myself actively playing with my grand-kids (many years from now! :)) and traveling the world together with my also aging but equally healthy husband. Yeah, I want THAT! That's the "WHY" that I will tap into when I am tempted to choose laziness over exercise. That's the "WHY" that triggers an emotional response for me and that will keep me motivated to choose both healthier activities and foods. Over to you Whether you did set any new years resolutions for the year that is enting or not, I hope this inspires you to consider your "WHY" for something that you want in your life. Consider: Why does it matter? What is the reason you'd put in the time and energy toward that goal? Why? Why? Why? Take your time. Write about it, talk about it, dream about it! Vision board about it... make it come alive and touch you on an emotional level :) With that, I want to wish you a truly FULFILLING and MEANINGFUL New Year!! Ulrika BONUS: When you're clear on your WHY, share it and LIVE it and you will attract "those that believe what you believe"! Then you can inspire and support each other in implementing what truly matters to both of you/all of you. When I hear others say: "You should start doing yoga", "She should really stop seeing him", "You should accept that job offer" – or say to themselves: “I should pick a salad for lunch”, “I should call my mom more often” – I always want to ask “says WHO!?”
Although these types of statements might be rooted in good intentions, the “should’ing” creates a strong undercurrent of “else, you’re not doing the right thing” or “else, you are not good enough”. If you’re not calling your mom very often, you’re a bad son/daughter. If you pick a sandwich rather than the salad for lunch you lack discipline. If you don’t take that job, you are missing an opportunity. So, I have banned the word “should” from my vocabulary (except when I go on a rant about why I have banned it ;), like now…). Instead I choose very deliberately what to replace it with. There are so many other options! It takes a little reflection to get clarity about how to replace the “should”. I usually ask myself some variation of these questions: “In what way does this matter to me?”, “How committed am I?” Then I pick a more empowering and precise word like: “want”, “might”, “will”, “can”, and even “need to” or “must”.
What does “success” mean anyway?
I don’t mean a dictionary definition but what does it mean to YOU? The more obvious examples of success are the big “splashy” public accomplishments - something of significance that “the world” notices. Perhaps an on-time, well received significant launch or project. Maybe “meeting the numbers” for an important time-period or milestone. Other examples are more personal; like completing a course or get a new certification, or maybe throwing a really fun 50th disco birthday party! (yes, I just had one of those :). Most people would agree those can all be scenarios worthy of being described as successful. But what about the more subtle, step-by-step successes along the way, each of the smaller achievements that lead up to this larger success... To what extent are you consciously considering this progress along the way as success? In our high intensity work environments and “speedy” society we tend to skip by the moment of really feeling success. Even for larger accomplishments we tend to just “check it off” as done and keep moving on to the next to-do or project, and the next… and the next... My hope with my writing today is to inspire you to define and celebrate success not only for your larger goals but also for the steps that lead toward an ultimate goal. I don’t want you necessarily to be considered successful. I want for you to find ways to feel success - on a daily basis from the get-go of moving toward a larger goal. Sound good? To get going, please think of a significant goal that you’d like to accomplish within three years from today. Yes, right now :). Prepare by defining the following:
Daily, as you complete a step, take a moment to acknowledge to yourself that you are now closer to your goal by “that much”. You know what you want and you are DOING something to make it happen! You are on track. Yaay! Time well invested toward a goal that is important to YOU. On days when you don’t complete “a step”, or don’t feel very successful around your action, give yourself a break - breathe, pause - and then consider what you are learning. You might want to adjust the size of the action steps. You might realize that there was preparation that had to happen before another action could be completed. Great! You can now apply what you learned to the next “next step”. As your list of to-do's empties out, keep flushing out the next set of 5-10 to-do’s – leveraging what you have learned so far and keeping you in action every day. To finish off, I’d like to share a quote: “The way you live your day, is the way you end up living your life. Choose carefully.” Well, actually… I was the one that said that – and you can quote me if you want :D I wish you MUCH success, however you personally define it! |
AuthorAs a Holistic Time Management coach Ulrika reflects on ways to live our every day on purpose - with agility. Archives
June 2018
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