Let me start by saying; I don't think this is going to be the answer you want…
The answer to almost any question is: "it depends". Annoying, right!? When you have a dilemma or question, you really would prefer a straight answer, right? "Can someone just provide me with a 3 simple steps to achieve X?" You might wish that someone could just tell you the right thing to do! However, your very personal challenges are NOT like anyone else's, never exactly. While you can definitely leverage other peoples' wisdom to some extent, it is up to YOU to figure out what is truly right for you. You might be up against questions like:
The GREAT news is… that it DOES depend and YOU have the power to find the answers for you. Coming up with answers to the really important questions in your life just takes some introspection. Give it some thought before deciding what to do. When you come up against these tougher questions in life, see them as an invitation to further get to know yourself. Give yourself some time to reflect. Be willing to NOT be so sure and get curious about your needs, desires, and even, fears. It takes asking yourself - time and time again - "What matters most?" and "What do I really want?". And once answers emerge, really dare to listen to yourself and make choices that align with what you deeply desire and need. But then again… it depends… Only YOU know the right approach for YOU… Ulrika is the creator of the “Making Time” program – a holistic time management approach rooted in Agile principles and practices. She supports successful professionals who want a more balanced approach toward living a truly fulfilling life. She takes her clients through an exploration to discover what's truly most important to them, and then teach/coach how to prioritize and take focused action in alignment with those deeper values.
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I want to - one day - publish a book. I've had this dream for years now and just a few months ago it became clear to me that no matter how much I thought about my forthcoming book it was not writing itself! Whaaat!? ;)
As exciting as it can be to set really big goals it often comes with a sense of uncertainty about where to start. Some goals feel so big that even though we know we really want to achieve them, we never start. To get myself going with my writing I realized I needed to: 1) clarify my bigger "WHY" , and 2) define smaller "WHAT" steps - specific action steps that would get me started. I asked myself: What is my ultimate goal? AND How can I start doing that, even in small ways? The first question can seem big. What is my ultimate goal? You might realize that you're not all that clear about your bigger WHY. You might need to contemplate this for a while and keep asking yourself, layer by layer: "Why is THAT important? Once that goal is accomplished, what becomes possible?" Allow yourself to stay with this inquiry until you get some clarity. As I reflected on my ultimate goal with writing it became clear that it is actually NOT to publish a book. Rather, the goal with my writing is to contemplate common life dilemmas and bring forth concrete tools, insights, and concepts that inspire my reader to take incremental action toward living their life to its fullest. I want to be of service. With that clarity, I could explore some potential "WHAT" steps; How could I start doing that now, even on a smaller scale? How could I already begin to provide the value I eventually intended to share in my book? I decided to post some of my incremental writing as BLOG posts. To fully "kick into gear", I committed to writing eight BLOG posts within my first month. A bit of a stretch but I was deeply inspired! What is a big goal or dream that you have? Take some time to clarify your ultimate goal, by asking yourself; "Assuming this goal is accomplished, what becomes possible then?" One common goal is wanting to lose weight or "get in shape". If that is true for you (or was ever true for you), I doubt that your ultimate goal is to see a certain number on the scale, or hit the gym with a certain frequency. Rather, you probably want to feel a certain way, or be capable of engaging in specific activities. Once you are more fit, you might hope to feel more energized, and able - perhaps even eager! - to take a long hike in the hills. With the increased self-confidence that you imagine, you can find the guts to go for that promotion at work. With clarity about your ultimate goal - at least good enough for now - it's time to get into action. -How can you accomplish even a small version of that ultimate result already THIS WEEK? -What can you do TODAY that already gives you some of that feeling? For the "getting in shape" example; What can you do TODAY that helps you feel energized?: eat something healthy, get a good night's sleep, spend time in nature? What can you do TODAY that gives you a sense of self-confidence?: put a little extra effort into your outfit, remind yourself of your strengths, practice good posture? Start living your DAYS aligned with that ultimate goal and I bet each day will enable you to realize that goal more fully. During this past month I have put pen to paper nearly every day and have now completed my eight BLOG posts that I committed to at the beginning of April. Yaaay!! I feel more like a writer than ever and am definitely inspired to keep going. I hope my recent contemplations and implementation tips have provided value for YOU! Please do let me know (comment below or email [email protected]) Ulrika is the creator of the “Making Time” program – a holistic time management approach rooted in Agile principles and practices. She supports successful professionals who want a more balanced approach toward living a truly fulfilling life. She takes her clients through an exploration to discover what's truly most important to them, and then teach/coach how to prioritize and take focused action in alignment with those deeper values. Sometimes, trying harder will keep you stuck.
When I was in my corporate job as an analyst I also had a dog. Although the company had a dog friendly policy and my pooch could hang out under my desk as I worked away, I often felt guilty about taking time out of my workday to walk him. However, I had also noticed that I came up with the most creative ideas and solutions while away from my work, walking my dog. Answers became available when I STOPPED trying so hard. Sometimes trying less will get you there faster. My walks helped me broaden my perspective, both quite literally - by turning my eyes away from my computer and taking in more of my environment - but also, perhaps more importantly, it helped me tap into a much broader range of possibilities. Being less driven to find a solution I could access seemingly unrelated thoughts, memories, and impressions, from which new connections could form. Answers and solutions popped up when I was not trying. Have you had a similar experience? I bet you have. Perhaps you came up with a great idea in the shower or solved a gnarly problem while driving. Most any activity that does NOT require you to focus on the task at hand will let you to access this broader focus. In my experience it's as if I tap into another part of myself, a part that is NOT accessible to me when I'm in task mode. Through this less structured way of being I access a sort of knowing which I believe Freud put in the hidden part of his metaphorical consciousness iceberg. In this less conscious part of myself I find answers I didn't realize I had. Recent discoveries in neuroscience also support this idea. Researchers have discovered that there are two main "modes" in which we operate. Either we are in "task mode" - focused on a complex physical or mental task, OR we are in "default mode" - a broader, unstructured way of being where we can access a different sort of knowing. In essence, when one mode is "on" the other one is "off". Next time you feel like you're having a hard time determining the "right" next step or solution, why not STOP trying. Rather than continuing to push through with sheer determination, switch mode by engaging in a more spacious activity. Flip the "task mode" switch to OFF and the "default mode" to ON. Do something that gives your mind a chance to wander. Daydream, ruminate, and imagine - allowing the brilliance of your unconscious to emerge. Ulrika is the creator of the “Making Time” program – a holistic time management approach rooted in Agile principles and practices. She supports successful professionals who want a more balanced approach toward living a truly fulfilling life. She takes her clients through an exploration to discover what's truly most important to them, and then teach/coach how to prioritize and take focused action in alignment with those deeper values. There's so much we want to do. So much we WOULD do if only… if only I had the time… if only I knew how… if only XYZ wasn't so demanding… if only I dared to really go for my dreams.
You know, the stuff you KNOW you want but, for whatever reason, you shy away from, postpone to another time or perhaps think of as an unrealistic dream. There are THREE words that will empower you and get you moving. Let's dive right in! The words are: "Even, though & because" Here are some excuses I often hear:
So, how are those THREE words going to magically help? Here's how: You put them in a sentence - as shown below - and explore to what extent your WHY (the "because" part) outweighs your EXCUSE. Here are some examples: Even though I'm unsure where to start, I will take the first/next step, because I know how important this is to me. Even though I'm afraid I might not get any responses, I will post this BLOG, because I am committed and determined to put my thoughts into writing and eventually publish a book (!) Even though I'm super busy at work, I will take a 20 minute walk at lunch, because I know that moving my body and taking a break is good for me and my health matters. Even though I dread feeling awkward, I will show up at this networking event, because making connections with more people is essential for my business OK, I guess it is really FIVE words: Even though…, I will…, because… Over to you: (a) What is something you dream of doing (or being), but are not putting into action? (b) What's your excuse? (c) What WILL you do - as a first step? Use your answers to complete this sentence: Even though (b) , I will (c) , because (a) . I'd love to hear what you come up with and how this helps you shift your attention to your WHY and get you to take action toward something truly meaningful in your life. Ulrika is the creator of the “Making Time” program – a holistic time management approach rooted in Agile principles and practices. She supports successful professionals who want a more balanced approach toward living a truly fulfilling life. She takes her clients through an exploration to discover what's truly most important to them, and then teach/coach how to prioritize and take focused action in alignment with those deeper values. Lately I've been thinking, "It feels SO good to be busy".
Not only have I been taking a deep dive into my writing and blogging, but I'm also taking care of a multitude of things related to being a home owner, preparing our tax return, AND committing to new positions as a board member of one organization and president of another! And I'm LOVIN' it! It got me thinking about different kinds of BUSY and when it's a good thing vs. a bad thing to be reeeeally busy. I think of the good kind of busy as FULFILLING busyness. While the overwhelming, "never-time-enough" kind is more of a DRAINING busyness. For me, the main reason that the above mentioned commitments don't feel like a burden is because I have very deliberately chosen to spend my time on them. I feel empowered. I'm clear about my "why" and by taking action I'm actually GETTING energy. I feel deeply motivated to move toward my goals and show up to do "the work". At other times, I've been engulfed in a more DRAINING kind of busyness, the one where you feel pulled and pushed by everyone else's demands, and find it hard to get any sense of progress. Even happen to you!? Under those circumstances it's as if you barely have a moment to spare to "come up for air". With this type of busyness we just "get by" and we often lose touch with what actually, truly, reeeeally matters to us. It's kind of like you're running on empty, just hoping your energy will last until the next "gas station". And even when you get there, perhaps on the weekend, you feel so distracted and rushed to get on the road again that you don't even really "fill up". Have you ever run so low on gas - I mean for real, with your car - that you are relieved to hit a downhill part of your route, hoping you'll be able to gain enough momentum to roll into the next gas station? And then, oh no, you hit an uphill part and you hold your breath, hoping… begging out loud to your car to "pleeeease keep going just a little bit further". After that you PROMISE yourself to NEVER get that low on gas again ;) How are you living your days? At the end of the day, do you more often feel FULFILLED or DRAINED? You can SHIFT to this FULFILLING type of busyness. Just give the steps below a try! Doing more of what feels meaningful and important will help you FILL UP your reservoir. Reconnecting with the purpose behind the more drudgery tasks will bring more meaning even to those less exciting to-do's. Because, of course it's not all going to be easy or fun. You might feel exhausted even after doing truly meaningful things. However, even though you might exhaust yourself on a physical level working hard on accomplishing those goals, that effort provides a sense of fulfillment. A deeper sense of filling up, filling your soul. When you find motivation in our bigger WHY it helps you to stick with challenging tasks. You persist through difficulties being driven by that inspired vision. OK, so how do I shift to FULFILLING busyness?
Allow me elaborate a little, in the hope that it will become more useful to YOU.
I'd love to hear what you decide to dive into as a result! Go forth and FILL UP! -Ulrika Ulrika is the creator of the “Making Time” program – a holistic time management approach rooted in Agile principles and practices. She supports successful professionals who want a more balanced approach toward living a truly fulfilling life. She takes her clients through an exploration to discover what's truly most important to them, and then teach/coach how to prioritize and take focused action in alignment with those deeper values. I'm becoming more and more of a sensationalist and I am LOVING IT!
It's making a HUUUGE difference in my life. I'm not suggesting a tabloid type of sensationalism or any inflation of the truth. Quite on the contrary, I am suggesting that we turn to our sensations, our senses, and thereby more fully and truly experience what is really happening in the present moment and thereby noticing more of the goodness in our daily lives. I'm not even making this definition up. In fact, a philosophical definition of sensationalism is "the doctrine that the good is to be judged only by the gratification of the senses" (dictionary.com). Consider that for a moment... The roses will only smell good if you actually stop and smell them. The bird song will only make your heart sing if you allow your ears and your awareness to take in their song. All the dimensions of a good wine - or a piece of chocolate, or a whole meal - will only be tasted if you are fully present and actively taste it as you drink/eat it. I LOVE my morning coffee! In fact, some evenings when I go to bed I close my eyes with a smile on my face, looking forward to waking up and having that first cup. Some days, however, I make my morning cup and just moments later I look into the cup and am surprised to find it empty! Who drank my coffee??! Seriously, I do NOT remember drinking it so it must have been someone else… Who's the culprit? Well, of course it is me. But it is an autopilot, distracted version of myself. It's me not being fully present with what I am doing in the moment. As far as I'm concerned I have not yet had my coffee because I was actually not there to experience it! I invite you to become a sensationalist as well. Pause, stop, take a moment often throughout your day and check in with YOUR senses. In fact, do it right now - even as you continue to read:
How does that brief experiment change your sense of being present, in this very moment? Sit for a moment with whatever is here & now, if you feel so inclined… I know for myself, that when I take a moment to check in with my senses - even if not necessarily with all five of them - I get access to what might be referred to as a sixth sense. I get better access to my sense of inner knowing, wisdom, and my intuition. I get access to lots of good stuff! From this connected place, am more likely to listen to and trust my "gut feeling". I find answers that were not previously available to me. Next time you have gnarly tasks at hand or feel overwhelmed by all that you have to do, I suggest you get OUT of your head and come to your senses. I'd love to hear how it goes! I bet it will be sensational! Let me know - comment here or email me at [email protected] Ulrika is the creator of the “Making Time” program – a holistic time management approach rooted in Agile principles and practices. She supports successful professionals who want a more balanced approach toward living a truly fulfilling life. She takes her clients through an exploration to discover what's truly most important to them, and then teach/coach them in how to prioritize and take focused action in alignment with those deeper values. So much to do, so little time… Do you often feel overwhelmed about all the projects and to-do's that take up your time? Most days, do you wish you had just another few hours in the day or an extra day in the week, just to get caught up?
It seems as if life is speeding up, months and years passing at an ever increasing pace. It's as if our life is - at least partially - getting away from us. Do you ever feel that way? The daily demands and busyness taps most of your energy and some of the truly important things in your life get put on hold, or pushed out to "sometime later"… I'd like to empower you. Empower you to make decisions that are truly aligned with what really matters to you. I'd like to empower you to say "no" more often, in favor of saying "yes" to what makes you really come alive. But the thing is - I can NOT. In fact, nobody except YOU can empower you. Sure, others can support you and to some extent "have your back", be your cheerleaders, but only YOU can truly give yourself the power to choose. To make choices that are aligned with YOUR true priorities. It's often NOT going to be comfortable or easy but in the bigger picture, don't you want to live a life that is really YOUR life, living it to its fullest? One place to start is to take a good look at all your to-do's and commitments, and question the WHY behind each of them. Write out all the projects, to-do's, demands, and commitments you have for THIS week. For each task, ask yourself: Why would I honor this task with my precious time and energy? For any task that does NOT have a crystal clear WHY, take a moment to explore further:
With your increased clarity, now empower yourself!
Does this mean that we will only say "yes" to the fun stuff? Of course not. However, it does mean that we can find meaning even with the most boring, tedious or excruciating tasks - by getting clear on the WHY. For example, I recently completed our tax return. This is probably the least favorite task of my whole year! I'd MUCH rather fold mountains of laundry, clean out the gutters, or go to the dentist… BUT since I am very clear about the WHY behind this task, I get TO it, and complete it with the least amount of procrastination possible! ;) That leaves me with more time to do what fills me up, feels meaningful and makes me happy! Now, go empower yourself. Commit to spending your time (life!) in a way that's truly meaningful! I'd LOVE to know: What will you say "YES!" to? (comment below, pop me an email) Ulrika is the creator of the “Making Time” program – a holistic time management approach rooted in Agile principles and practices. She supports successful professionals who want a more balanced approach toward living a truly fulfilling life. She takes her clients through an exploration to discover what's truly most important to them, and then teach/coach them in how to prioritize and take focused action in alignment with those deeper values. Heads down, busy with the tactical, the details, the stuff to get done. It's so easy to end up there, isn't it?
When you're so deep into DOING that you loose sight of what you are even aiming for, it's time to STOP, zoom out, and consider: What is the "WHY" behind all this busyness? Then let that WHY drive your priorities and your next action. Or as the brilliant Dan Pink puts it: www.danpink.com/pinkcast/pinkcast-2-7-have-2-fewer-conversations-about-how-and-two-more-about-why/ Living your life according to what is most meaningful and fulfilling to YOU is truly a radical act. We all allow ourselves to be shaped by the expectations from those around us. Societal norms as well as opinions of family, friends and others around us influence the choices we make on a daily basis. Of course they do. The problem arises when we allow others’ expectations to limit the extent to which we are fully living OUR lives. Often we are unaware, and it can be hard to admit, even to ourselves, just how many choices we are making according to what we think is expected of us. We end up tucking away our life’s dreams in the “maybe sometime later” pocket. So WHY don’t we go for our dreams?
What makes it radical? In order to (re-)discover and clarify your dreams you need to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n ... - and that in itself can feel scary and radical in this fast paced world we live in. When you dare to dream and take time to get really clear about what you want – dare to imagine the best case scenario – you will realize that you have a choice, the choice to either take steps to follow that dream or not! Dreaming big feels vulnerable because we might then end up disappointing ourselves. We get our hopes up and then we don’t pursue those dreams. What a gut punch! Allowing this truest version for yourself to emerge and pursuing to live the fullest version of YOUR life is a radical act because you have to own up to living YOUR unique, and most fulfilling life. This means making choices in your DAILY life that support your life goals and dreams (to whatever extent those are clear to you right now), whether "popular" or not, whether easy or not. It is a radical act because, quite frankly, most people don’t. How to clarify your dream and start living it As you start imagining this best case scenario for your life, your dream, you will likely start hearing internal voices protesting and coming up with all sorts of reasons why it would not be possible. He/she will object… “that's not realistic…”, “there is no way… “, and list excuses “if only….” Then take advantage of those objections and excuses. Play with them using this formula: If only___________ (I had the time/money/courage/skill… perceived lack or obstacle) Then I would_________________ What would you do? Who would you be? How would you live your life? Assume you have overcome those obstacles and describe how you're living as vividly and fully as possible. Connect to it emotionally. Allow yourself to fantasize and DREAM. What is the essence of your dream? What deeply matters to you about it? Get into action Once you have "juiced up" your dream and connected with its essence, think of ONE thing you can do TODAY that adds some of that essence to your day. One action that takes you ever so slightly toward that dream. When you are more emotionally connected to your dream, you are more likely to be motivated to do something that takes you in that direction. Do one thing TODAY. Do one thing TOMORROW… keep going. Keep refining. Create YOUR most authentic life - the way YOU want to live it - step by step. You've GOT THIS! What gets in YOUR way? Let me know. I’d really like to know. Comment below, or email me ([email protected]). Ulrika is the creator of the “Making Time” program – a holistic time management approach rooted in Agile principles and practices. She supports successful professionals who want a more balanced approach toward living a truly fulfilling life. She takes her clients through an exploration to discover what's truly most important to them, and then teach/coach them in how to prioritize and take focused action in alignment with those deeper values. 3 flaws with "SMART" goal setting that keep you feeling un-inspired and delivering mediocre results10/28/2016 Like many business professionals you have likely used the goal setting formula of creating "SMART" goals.
Really smart goals, however, require that you follow another formula first! Let me introduce you to “ARC” goals! – Yep, I made that up :) Read on to find 3 ways that the SMART formula undermines exceptional results and actually keep you from achieving outcomes that delight! You'll also be introduced to an enhanced formula for goal-setting that will set you up to reach for what is truly inspiring and meaningful. Just to make sure we are on the same page, "SMART" stands for that goals should be: S - Specific, M - Measurable, A - Achievable, R - Realistic, T - Time bound (The acronym has been credited George Doran who introduced the concept in a Management Review in 1981) Sounds like pretty good advice, right? Yet, I’d like to challenge this way of goal setting on three counts – and propose some questions to ask yourself. Read on… for inspiration! 1) Is mediocrity a goal of yours? The first aspects of SMART goals I'd encourage you to question is the "Achievable & Realistic" parts. Although this guideline is surely well intended, as a way of setting ourselves up for success by setting goals that are "within reach", but how exciting is that!? How far will that really take you? I believe that to really accomplish something extraordinary and truly grow as individuals we need to stretch ourselves outside our comfort zone. We need to set goals that push us to expand beyond what we know we can do and into our true capacity. So, to truly set smart goals I believe they also have to be ASPIRATIONAL. What would you want to reach for that would DELIGHT you once accomplished? (check out some examples here) 2) So what? The second aspect of "SMART" goals that needs to be considered is, that although "SMART" goals have some specificity around the "What" and the "When", there's no connection to a bigger "Why". I suggest we have to broaden our view and consider the "Why" for each of our goals. For each goal ask yourself: “In the bigger scheme of things, how does reaching this goal matter? In what way will my life/work/relationships be better or my opportunities improve by reaching this goal?” So, to truly set smart goals, I believe they also need to be RELEVANT to a bigger vision. (check a weight loss example here) 3) Got your blinders on? At first it would seem that setting specific goals is a very good idea. They give you a chance to know for sure when you have reached each goal and it is time to celebrate (yay!). However, the third reason SMART goals aren’t necessarily so smart… is that goals can be set too narrowly, ignoring other competing priorities or changing circumstances. Rather, I suggest you make sure your goals are achievable also when considering what else is going on in your life currently. You also need to be willing to adjust your goals. Let them be revised based on new knowledge and other circumstances that influence what is actually possible and desirable for you to achieve. So, to truly set SMART goals, I believe they also need to be CONTEXTUAL. (read here about an example how I learned by doing just that!) In summary, when you set goals, I suggest you START with a broader view and get clear on your "ARC" goals: A - Aspirational: What's a goal that would truly excite you and, once reached, has the potential to delight you? R - Relevant: What is the bigger vision for your life? What goals do you want to set that support that vision? C - Contextual: Considering what else is going on in my life, what are the best goals to set right now? How do my goals fit together? Now that you are clear on your "ARC" goals, feel free to go ahead and create "SMART" goals. With both, you will can come up with a realistic plan that inspires and clearly takes you toward what you aspire for in your life! Now, THAT I am willing to call truly SMART goals! |
AuthorAs a Holistic Time Management coach Ulrika reflects on ways to live our every day on purpose - with agility. Archives
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