In two of my previous posts I elaborated on limitations I see with setting “SMART” goals. Visit the above links for suggestions on how to avoid these pitfalls (and learn how to truly set smart goals).
Then, read on here for part 3 (of 3) Got your blinders on? The “S” in setting “S.M.A.R.T.” goals stands for “Specific”. At first it would seem that setting Specific goals is a very good idea. It gives you a chance to clearly know when you have reached a goal and it is time to celebrate (Yay!). However, I would caution you from setting your goals too narrowly, risking that they don’t make sense when you consider a broader view, currently or over time. To explain, let me start by giving you a business example: When Ford released the Pinto in early 1980's. They were super focused on delivering this car at a record setting time-to-market, and they did! The only problem was that they lost track of other important aspects of putting a car on the market, like safety.... They were so focused on hitting the “time to market” date that they made decisions that compromised the safety of the car. It did not end well… deaths (!), lawsuits and recalls. If they had kept an eye on the broader needs and been willing to adjust their plan based on changing circumstances (failed tests) this could have been avoided. Next, let me share an example of when I recently set a goal with my “blinders on”: This past June I just completed the delivery of a six-week “pilot” program. I was very excited about how it all turned out, including the great feedback and the positive impact it apparently had in the lives of the participants. I was very very very inspired ;) and I decided to set my next goal as: "Starting next program series early September". How perfect, I would help my clients kick off, on purpose, into the fall season! ASPIRATIONAL? Yes, indeed. Inspiring and something I would feel very good about achieving. RELEVANT (to my bigger vision)? YES, perfectly in line with where I want to take my business, working with people one-on-one as well as in groups. CONTEXTUAL? Njaa… not so much. What I was NOT considering at the time was that during the couple of months leading up to the program start I had plenty other things “on my plate”. Other important (and mostly wonderful) things that I had already committed to for the summer; spending time with family and friends back in Europe, fixing the pipe leak in the garden (yikes), and getting my son settled and ready for College – to name a few. So, here we are, in late October. Considering all the preparation I need to do to prepare for an excellent program and considering other priorities in my life, I have now set a more realistic goal (for which I am still stoked!): Deliver my program during the first quarter of 2017. In summary, what I learned was that setting very specific goals that do NOT take the bigger picture in consideration will actually NOT set me up for success… To truly set SMART goals, I suggest that they also need to be CONTEXTUAL. For each of your goals, consider: · How might my goals need to be adjusted based on what else is important in my life right now? · How might my goals need to be adjusted to incorporate new experiences/knowledge and keep pointing me toward what is actually my desired outcome? Go ahead, aim high! And then, add a pinch of realism and you will truly go far.
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I'm starting to think that there is no such thing as Time Management.
It might be surprising to hear that from someone who considers themselves a Time Management Coach but I have come to realize that trying to "manage your time" is just about as elusive as trying to chase happiness. Speaking of which, the often overly structured ways we are told to manage our time is usually not very inspiring or happiness-inducing. I'm always on a mission to find accessible ways to manage how we spend our time toward what truly matters to us. I want to figure out (and share with you) how we can be deliberate and organized without loosing the enthusiasm and connection to what is makes us really come alive. In this post I elaborate on three aspects of our lives that I believe are more accessible for us to actually "manage". This is more of a philosophical post and I hope you enjoy this thought experiment! More tangible ways to implement these will surely follow as I always want to connect big ideas to more concrete and "implementable" tips. Here goes... In order to live lives that are truly on purpose and meaningful we need to learn how to manage: Energy, Attention, and Expectations We need to find sustainable ways to manage our ENERGY levels. From the basics of making sure we re-charge through rest and by eating well, to being in loving relationships and doing things that feed our soul and make us really come alive; we need to become aware of how and where we actually "spend" our energy. How purposeful are you regarding where you direct your energy? What relationships do you want to invest your energy in? What types of activities leave you drained or exhausted? And what kind of exhaustion is it - the satisfied and accomplished kind of exhaustion you can feel after putting in a lot of effort into something you really care about, or is it more of an deflated kind of exhaustion you can get from working really hard at something without having as sense of doing anything of importance or making any progress? It is important to become aware of what fills you up and energizes you and what amount of energy you are willing to spend on different things in your life. You can then make choices that help you find a sustainable way of living. That leads me to the next area to manage - attention We need to make deliberate choices about where we put our ATTENTION. Although sometimes closely related to where we put our energy this is a little different. When we can keep focusing our attention on what is mostly aligned with where we really want to be headed, we will make more progress. Rather than allowing whatever circumstance we are in pull and push our attention around, we become more deliberate in what we decide to focus on in this moment - cultivating deliberate presence. We stay on the path we have committed to, rather than taking mind-less detours out and about and around... Unless, of course, we choose to go on a more hap-hazard and random exploration. In which case we put our attention on "going with" and being open to what might come our way. One way many of us don't leverage our attention in the best way is by multi-tasking. Although we might fool ourselves into thinking we are paying attention to multiple things simultaneously, what we are really doing is constantly task-switching. In other words; we keep putting our attention on something different every minute or moment... This constant re-focus actually makes us waste precious time and energy, and overall we make less progress. Another thing to watch out for is any mindless activities like web-surfing, facebooking (yes, I'm making it a verb ;)) or watching random TV. Unless of course you decide that that's where you actually WANT to put your attention. Being able to direct our attention is truly a super power worth investing in! Not only will it help you make more significant progress toward that which you have set out to accomplish, but it will also help you become aware of what is really happening in each moment. You will be more present and truly experience your life, rather than life just swooshing by... Another aspect that will help you consider how to truly spend your time on what matters is to: Become aware of and manage EXPECTATIONS Often we are trying to live up to expectations without even being conscious about it. Expectations are embedded in our culture, society, relationships, and embedded within our own beliefs. One way expectations show up is when we think that we (or someone, or something else) "should" do something, or "should" be in a certain way. At some point we adopted (consciously or not) a rule or belief that things "should" be in a certain way. We expect things a certain way or it is not "right". We also carry many expectations of ourselves and what we are assuming others are expecting of us - whether they actually do or not... What I suggest is that we reflect on those "shoulds" and determine what expectations are actually valid and important vs. which ones we want to question and better align to what matters to us. We can learn to be more clear in communicating our expectations with others, becoming more transparent and explicit around our expectations and what they can expect from us. When we get more deliberate around setting boundaries and become more honest (to ourselves and to others) about where we are willing to invest our energy and attention, there is less confusion and we can more easily align our action with our goals and intentions. Wow, that's a pretty meaty topic! There is much more to contemplate for sure - but, for right now, what are your thoughts!? I'd love to hear what you think - either in the comments below or by shooting me an email ([email protected]) Have a wonderful weekend! - I hope you get to put your attention on things that re-energize you and that you can revise some expectations to be more closely algined with what really matters to you! Applying micro Agile and Scrum principles from books and other places of inspiration to our daily lives - as a way to live more on purpose, at peace and inspired!
This morning I was on a Facebook "chat" meant to help a small group of us to focus and get something done within a short hour. I committed to two things:
When I was done with my little morning routine to start my day off on the "right foot" I only had about 15 minutes left to focus on my writing task. OK, let's DO THIS! Without much hesitation I flip up a random page in one of my go-to books on Agility ("Succeeding with Agile" by Mike Kohn). With a stroke of serendipity, the paragraph I land on is about the importance of delivering "working software" within a sprint. For my mini sprint (of which at this time I only have about 10 minutes left), my "working software" is to be a useful article on how to implement this principle in your daily life. Here's what I want to ask you: How often do find yourself "busy with" something one day, and still "busy with" that same thing the next day and sometimes still the next week? The principle that Kohn is pointing us to here proposes that you get very real about what you can realistically COMPLETE in a time period (such as a sprint, or a day), and making sure that the result is something that is actually provides value (is useful). Once committed, you keep focused on the work required to deliver THAT value. Staying away from distractions. Staying focused until the work is DONE. To apply to your life, consider what VALUE you are working toward delivering (today or this week, depending on your "sprint" length). What you are going to COMPLETE in that specific time-frame that is of value to you or ensures a significant step toward something that you consider important? Ops, time's up! (in my sprint...) Hoping that this in fact provided some value! A couple days ago I gave you the first reason (out of three) I believe SMART goals are not so smart... Check it out here!
So what? The second aspect of "SMART" goals that I'd encourage you to question is; Although "SMART" goals have some specificity around the "What" and the "When", there's no connection to a bigger "Why". When you aren't very clear about your "Why", no wonder it is easy to give up when the "going gets tough"! An example of a "SMART" goal could be "Loose 10lb/5kg by Nov 1st". Specific – yes, Measurable – yes, Achievable – yep, Realistic – absolutely, Timebound – clearly! Many of us have set a similar goal more than once. Yet, how inspired do you really feel about this kind of goal? How likely are you to continue to feel inspired and stick to such a goal when you are tempted or fall back into old habits? Often, a goal without a clear and meaningful "Why" feels very "dry" and factual, lacking clear vision for how the end result will actually affect us. There might also be a bit of a "should" vibe to it. We feel like we should get in shape. We should loose weight. Like we are taking it on just to please someone else or live up to what is expected by society at large. I suggest we broaden our view and consider the "Why" of each of our goals. It's like getting your head out of the details and looking at the bigger picture of how this goal fits into out life's ambitions. For each goal, ask yourself: “In the bigger scheme of things, how does reaching this goal matter? In what way will my life situation be better or my opportunities improve by reaching this goal?” The lack of true understanding of our personal "why" is especially common for things that are common in our culture. Pretty much everyone wants to drop a few pound, get in shape, spend more time with those we care about and so forth… We tend to not question WHY we are actually going after some of those goals. Rather, I suggest you pause to ask yourself "why", in order to get a better understanding about what is truly important about each goal. Often, the really motivating reason for us to take something on is not immediately obvious. It might be "buried" several layers deep. For each answer you get after asking yourself "Why?", ask again: "How is that important?", "So what?". This will get you closer to the core of what truly matters to you about this. For the weight loss example: "When that is true (having lost 10 lb, or whatever the initial goal was) what will be different?" "What becomes possible? ...and what is important about THAT?... so what?... Why so?..." – you might sound a bit like an inquisitive young child but keep going, it's worth it! ;) You might discover that what you long for is to feel an ease of movement or feel strong and equipped to engage in a specific activity. You might realize that there are completely different goals that you want to set, for which the weight loss is not a prerequisite. Maybe you realize you want to learn how do dance? Climb a mountain? Speak with confidence? If so; Start dancing! Start taking small hikes! Start speaking! When you put your energy toward something bigger that you truly feel inspired to work for, the weight is no longer an excuse and chances are that some pounds will drop as a natural outcome of you getting into inspired action. When considering goals that are set for you by someone else - like company goals or department goals - it's equally important to ask "Why?". What are we ultimately aiming for here? What bigger vision does this goal support? So, to truly set SMART goals, in addition to being ASPIRATIONAL, I believe they also need to be RELEVANT to a bigger vision. If this was useful, please like, comment and follow! Want more? Read about the third/last reason SMART goals aren't so smart... here. You'd think that if something was specifically called "SMART" that you could trust it to definitely and thoroughly be a smart thing... Well, I'd like to share with you THREE ways that "SMART" goals are NOT so smart and introduce and enhanced formula for goal-setting.
So, first, what does "SMART" stand for? Chances are you have been instructed to create SMART goals both for your department as well as for your personal development plan. The acronym has been credited George Doran who introduced the concept in a Management Review in 1981. It stands for that good goals should be: S - Specific M - Measurable A - Achievable R - Realistic T - Time bound Sounds pretty sound, right? Yet, I’d like to challenge this way of goal setting on three counts. Here's the first one… Is mediocrity a goal of yours? The first aspects of SMART goals I'd encourage you to question is the "Achievable & Realistic" parts. Although this guideline is surely well intended, as a way of setting ourselves up for success by setting goals that are "within reach", but how exciting is that!? How far will that really take you? Just think back in your own life – re-call a time when you accomplished something that made you really proud of yourself. An achievement that made you say: "YESSS, I really did that!" From the get-go when you initially set that goal, was it clearly within reach? Was the time you worked on this goal free of worry about being able to achieve it or not? I’m guessing not. In January of 2013 I started working with a new coach and she asked me what main goal I had for the 6 months we were to work together. I boldly said I want to quit my job. She asked "By when?" and I surprised myself by quickly responding "Before the summer". Immediately after saying it, I couldn't believe I had just said that out loud, that I was actually committing to this goal “officially”. Wow, I had actually put a date on this longstanding wish of mine to leave my corporate job to become a full time coach. Long story short; the spring was full of hesitation when I frequently talked myself into staying - I was after all at a great company, making good money, had great colleagues that had practically felt like family after so many years etc. etc. - but early May I resigned and I have never felt more empowered and free. At the time it definitely felt like a leap requiring a big dose of faith! I believe that to really accomplish something extraordinary and truly grow as individuals we need to stretch ourselves outside our comfort zone. We need to set goals that push us to expand beyond what we know we can do and into our true capacity. So, to truly set SMART goals I believe they also have to be ASPIRATIONAL If this was useful, please like, comment and follow! I also invite you to read about two other reasons SMART goals aren't so smart... 2) "So what?" & 3) "Got your blinders on?" So you’re moving through your day, connecting with other people with a greeting like “How have you been?” or “How are things going?”
What would you say is the most common answers you’re getting? Do you, like me, often get a response along the lines of: “It's been kind of crazy" or "I’m REALLY busy right now”? How often do you find yourself feeling that way? Well, I get it. We live in a very fast paced society – perhaps your profession or location even more so that others’ – and we are all really just trying to keep up and do the “right” thing. We want to live up to expectations, deliver results, and make sure we are “in the game”. Yet, this common answer of being “really busy right now” got me thinking… What does this answer really say about the way we live our lives? We all know that colleague (or friend, or family member, or ourselves!) that consistently and always is “SO busy right now”… There is just never enough time in the day or enough days in the week for all the demands put upon them. They are needed here, there, and EVERYWHERE… If there was just a way to clone them, things would perhaps finally become manageable... When I hear that answer, my questions become; With WHAT are you busy? And WHY? In my experience, working with clients or just through my own inquiry when I fall into the “busyness” trap, asking those questions help provide insight. Considering how these things that I’m so busy with matter to me, or, at least matter… somehow, to someone will start to shed a light onto the true importance of what I am doing. Am I just plugging away and staying busy without much awareness or discrimination around what I commit to? Any time I feel like I am “stretched too thin” or realize that I am mindlessly squeeze more things into my already packed schedule, I take it as a HUGE warning flag. It is time to look closer at what CHOICES I am making. It’s time to empower myself in making better choices and setting more clear and realistic expectations, both with myself and with others. A more significant answer When I think of someone who is truly committed to doing something that they really care about, the answer to the question “How have you been?” is likely to be quite different. I believe that someone who is busy with something that truly feels significant for them, who is busy with something for which they are aware of WHY they have committed to it, will answer this question differently. They will talk about WHAT they are busy with and WHY. Assuming you are not to busy ;) … but actually stick around to hear them answer your question, they will eagerly share the cool or fascinating or otherwise important thing they are busy with. “I’m working on this really cool program that will help people with X” “I’ve been trying to find a solution to the really fascinating problem of …” “I’ve been supporting my dear friend during a difficult transition and I’m so happy I could help” “I’m pouring my heart and soul into my new role as …” Well, that’s what I’ve been busy thinking about lately… and I spend time on these kind of inquires because it inspires me to contemplate why we do the things we do. Perhaps it inspires you. Perhaps it will remind you next time you think of yourself as “so busy”, to pause and consider WHAT am I actually busy with and WHY? Today I mowed the lawn.
It shouldn’t really be that big of a deal, right? But it kind of was… Now that we have finally gotten some really good rain in California (yaaay!!), and the rainy weather has alternated with gorgeous summer days, my garden has totally taken off! Things are growing like crazy :) So, while I could almost literally see the grass growing during this past week or so, I’ve also had “mow the lawn” on my mental to-do list. Starting with a pretty neutral observation: “It would be a good idea to mow the lawn soon”, increasing in intensity each day and becoming more self-critical and frustrated “SERIOUSLY… how hard can it be to just DO IT!?”… until I actually listened to myself and JUST DID IT! And this was the hard part: the long moist grass clogged up the lawnmower a couple times, I had to empty the collector bin every few steps and finally I ended up with a very lumpy looking lawn… which means that I will have to get the mower out AGAIN in a day or two once the patches of (still) long grass have recovered from my trampling and are reaching up toward the sun again. Of course this whole incident is not a big deal when I consider my life overall. Nothing to write home about… or even write a blog about :) BUT it got me thinking about procrastination and wondering whether it would ever have a good ROI (Return on Investment) to do so. When we procrastinate, we tend to spend a lot of energy THINKING about that thing we should be doing (or make an effort to AVOID thinking about it), REMEMBERING over and over again that we must not forget to do “that thing,” and maybe even beating ourselves up each time when we notice ourselves spending our time and energy on miscellaneous less important things. My biggest “time-suck” is allowing myself to get drawn into the information vortex of social media and the abundance of really REALLY interesting reading material that’s out there... ;) That’s the “Instant Gratification Monkey” in action! (I encourage you to check out this entertaining and insightful TED talk by Tim Urban). This “monkey” is the voice in your head that tells you that it’s OK to choose the convenient and easy way in this moment rather than putting in the effort towards something bigger that you actually really care about. So, whether the grass got mowed today or a few days ago is of course no big deal but what happens when we procrastinate on more important things in our life, like relationships or our health? It’s so easy to think that we WILL connect with that friend and we WILL spend more time with our family/friends as soon as... (this project has been completed) and, we WILL start exercising and eating healthier as soon as….(we’ve gotten over this particularly busy time). As soon as… As soon as… As soon as… In his TED Talk, Tim Urban points out that procrastination, relating to these long term goals or broader aspects of life (that don’t really have clear deadlines), is the most dangerous. He speaks about how the lack of prioritizing the things that truly matter in our lives will lead to a more drawn-out silent suffering and ultimately, regret. When we no longer have health, we regret not taking better care of ourselves when we were healthy. When a loved one passes, we regret not spending more time - truly being with them - when it was still possible. The potential ROI of investing our time and energy toward more long-term life goals and honoring our core values are significant. And just like financial investments, we have to be deliberate in how we invest and then stay the course even if we don’t see immediate results. When you catch yourself procrastinating next – because we ALL do it – I invite you to use these questions to consider your choices:
Inspired by one of my favorite TED talks: How great leaders inspire action by Simon Sinek.
Once New Years resolutions have faded, what will inspire YOU to take action throughout the year in how you lead your life? Although Sinek's examples and arguments mostly relate to business and inter-relational leadership (company/client, leader/employee etc.), I'd like to explore how we can apply the same principles of "starting with WHY" in leading our own lives. Let's explore a goal that many of us have had in some variation at the beginning of a year: get in shape. Whether that means loosing weight, exercising or eating healthier. Perhaps it entails changing some habits around alcohol, sugar or stress. So, how do we tend to go about setting our goals for the year?... WHAT you do New years resolutions tend to focus on the WHAT. For our "Get in shape" example, you might end up with goals like: Cut down on carbs, exercise more, or loose 10lb before the summer. Perhaps this inspires you to hit the gym for a few weeks in January (have you noticed how full the gyms and yoga studios are in January!). Yet, how many times have you had good intentions at the beginning of the year, only to have them fade - or completely fall off your radar - already by February!!? HOW you do it Slightly better, and more likely to stick would be if you also create a plan for HOW you will do it. To "Get in shape", you might buy a membership at a club and commit to exercising each Tuesday and Thursday right after work. You might even get a exercise buddy - someone you can count on to keep you accountable. You might even consider - in advance - what is likely to get in the way of you acting on your plan, and come up with ways to handle those challenges. Your chances of success are getting better and better :). With a clear HOW - you are much more likely to follow through and succeed toward your goals. Now that's seems like a pretty solid plan of action, right? Yes, it is much more solid than just a brief new years resolution statement in "WHAT" form. I would even estimate that you have a "fair" chance of succeeding. However... As Sinek mentions in his talk, the part of our brain that is responsible for making decisions (the limbic brain) is motivated by emotion, not so much by words and reasoning... So, in order to create an intention that can inspire you to push through when "the going gets tough" - or when you get to busy.... or when you just don't feel like it... or when you feel frustrated at the lack of progress... - you need to get clear on your "WHY". WHY you do it To get clarity of my WHY, in the example of the "getting in shape" goal, I might ask myself; Why would I bother getting shape? Why would I spend time and energy at the gym? Why would I choose oatmeal over a bagel and cream cheese for breakfast? Why is it important to me to weigh 10lb less by the time summer rolls around? Personally, my answers to those questions would lead me to realize the importance for me to feel strong and fit, so that I can live my daily life with engagement and energy. I want to stay healthy for many many years to enjoy my life, with friends and family. I see myself actively playing with my grand-kids (many years from now! :)) and traveling the world together with my also aging but equally healthy husband. Yeah, I want THAT! That's the "WHY" that I will tap into when I am tempted to choose laziness over exercise. That's the "WHY" that triggers an emotional response for me and that will keep me motivated to choose both healthier activities and foods. Over to you Whether you did set any new years resolutions for the year that is enting or not, I hope this inspires you to consider your "WHY" for something that you want in your life. Consider: Why does it matter? What is the reason you'd put in the time and energy toward that goal? Why? Why? Why? Take your time. Write about it, talk about it, dream about it! Vision board about it... make it come alive and touch you on an emotional level :) With that, I want to wish you a truly FULFILLING and MEANINGFUL New Year!! Ulrika BONUS: When you're clear on your WHY, share it and LIVE it and you will attract "those that believe what you believe"! Then you can inspire and support each other in implementing what truly matters to both of you/all of you. As a busy professional, how often do you feel “stretched too thin” or over-committed?
You know that feeling when you thought you couldn’t get any busier, yet you get hit with one more demand (and then one more…). You toughen up and tell yourself; “I can do this. I just have to get through this, THEN everything should get better.” Only to find that somehow the next day and week and month ends up looking pretty much the same… and the things you say to yourself have shifted to “I can’t keep going like this. It’s not good for me or for those around me. There’s got to be another way!” There absolutely IS a better way! You might have heard the hype around Mari Kondo’s book “The life-changing magic of tidying up”. She shows us how to deal with our clutter once and for all through a “category-by-category” clearing approach – until ALL items we decide to keep actually “spark joy”. Sounds like a tall order but I am pleasantly surprised of the effectiveness of the approach and – in fact - as I open my no-longer-cluttered drawers there are actually “joy sparks” flying :) So, what does that have to do with your busy life and packed schedule!? As it turns out – a lot! Bring some awareness to your current schedule by checking your calendar for this week and consider:
Many of us are so deep in our busy-ness that we rarely remember to “come up for air”. Our calendars are too full of to-dos that feel like “stuff”. We forget to give ourselves time to pause and get a broader perspective on where our life is headed… When did you last reflect on what truly matters to you…? How aligned is your life – the way you currently live it – with what truly matters to you? Over the last several months I’ve been designing and implementing a Time Management Program based on agile principles. When doing my tidying work around the house I realized some similarities in the approaches! Here goes!: By clarifying the different categories of tasks (by role) and de-cluttering your to-do’s of busy-ness that is not supporting what truly matters to you, you can start making choices that create a calendar with truly fulfilling and meaningful activities. So, where do I start? Let me walk you through the key steps the foundation: 1. Identify your ROLES What roles do you “play” in your life and what responsibilities do you have in those roles? Over a life time we get to be in so many roles. Even right now you are likely in several roles, for example: parent, employee, partner/spouse, friend, child, sibling, and/or neighbor. Start by bringing some clarity to the roles that are more central for you right now – your top 2-3 roles at this time. If it helps, you can check your calendar to see what seems to keep you most busy. For those top “roles”, list your key responsibilities. For example, two of my top roles right now are Mother and Personal Coach. As a Mother I consider myself (together with my husband) responsible for things like: feeding, clothing, educating, loving and transporting my children. As a Personal Coach, my responsibility toward my clients include; providing resources, tools, and powerful inquiries that support their increased self-awareness and their goals. 2. Set clear INTENTIONS For each of your roles, identify what would make you feel successful in this role - notsuccessful according to what others expect of you, but rather what feels successful for you personally. In each role, what would your ideal scenario look like? For me, “success” in my role as a Personal Coach looks something like this: my clients are clear about their values and uniqueness, they feel empowered to live their life in a way that feels truly fulfilling for them & they are finding balance between ambition and contentment. 3. Make CHOICES that serve your intentions On a daily and weekly basis, decide how you will spend your time – based on what will support your intentions in your key roles. Commit to what matters and manage expectations around other demands. You won’t get it “right” all the time. That’s OK. Give yourself a break. Reflect and learn from what happens. Reflect/Learn -> Plan -> Do -> Reflect/Learn -> Plan -> Do… “rinse and repeat”! Over time, as your intentions become clear for more roles and you learn to mindfully navigate through whatever gets in your way or pulls you off course, you’ll be way on your way toward having a schedule that “sparks joy”. Hugs, Ulrika When I hear others say: "You should start doing yoga", "She should really stop seeing him", "You should accept that job offer" – or say to themselves: “I should pick a salad for lunch”, “I should call my mom more often” – I always want to ask “says WHO!?”
Although these types of statements might be rooted in good intentions, the “should’ing” creates a strong undercurrent of “else, you’re not doing the right thing” or “else, you are not good enough”. If you’re not calling your mom very often, you’re a bad son/daughter. If you pick a sandwich rather than the salad for lunch you lack discipline. If you don’t take that job, you are missing an opportunity. So, I have banned the word “should” from my vocabulary (except when I go on a rant about why I have banned it ;), like now…). Instead I choose very deliberately what to replace it with. There are so many other options! It takes a little reflection to get clarity about how to replace the “should”. I usually ask myself some variation of these questions: “In what way does this matter to me?”, “How committed am I?” Then I pick a more empowering and precise word like: “want”, “might”, “will”, “can”, and even “need to” or “must”.
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AuthorAs a Holistic Time Management coach Ulrika reflects on ways to live our every day on purpose - with agility. Archives
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